Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
