I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I'm too high and old for this...
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
