I looked at my own cervix.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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