Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Drunk is not a location!
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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