I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
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