YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
