I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
