I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
high people should be assigned attendants
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
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It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
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I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.