NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
