He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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