he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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