No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
