capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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