Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
