I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
