in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Drunk is not a location!
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Randomize
