____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
babies were throwing up all over the place
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
