I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
