I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
