I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
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