She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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