Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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