I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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