The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
