i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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