found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
