Plan B is the new Plan A
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
