3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
