remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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