please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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