forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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