9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
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