Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
don't judge my taste in strippers
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
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