Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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