One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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