I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
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