I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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