i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
