Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
it hurts more in the daytime
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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