Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
