i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
