Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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