I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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