I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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