Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Acid is not a monday night drug
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
