im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
