i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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