her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
