the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
