he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
