She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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