The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
