I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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