your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Randomize
