Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
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