dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
