dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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