umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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