He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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