so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
