Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
