Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
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I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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