I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
