Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
