the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
